I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
