I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
