Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
