I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
