Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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