Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
