I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
