I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
