I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
