It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
