Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
