just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
