thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
