hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
