i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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