You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
