I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
