yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
