is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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