guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
