so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
