Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
3 2 1 whiskey
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
