I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
