They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
