I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
