I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
