You're my little dorito
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
