we made out on top of his cat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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