Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
