hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm really busy with my period
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