What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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