i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
