dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
