my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
