I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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