dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
