i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
