Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
