Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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