why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
