I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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