actually, I'm a sock model
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
