Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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