Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
