He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
