I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
