I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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