I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
