Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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