i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
